How France works — a newcomer's guide to French norms

The "bonjour" rule — France runs on greetings

Saying "bonjour" when you walk into any shop, café, bakery, restaurant, or office is essential. Skipping it reads as rude and noticeably degrades the service you receive. The same applies on entering an elevator, sitting next to someone on a train, or being introduced to anyone new. "Bonjour madame" or "bonjour monsieur" is even better.

On leaving, "au revoir" closes the loop. "Merci, au revoir, bonne journée" is the standard departure phrase. Without these markers — even between strangers — the interaction lacks the social acknowledgement French politeness requires. A foreign accent is fine; missing the greeting altogether is not.

Tu vs vous — the formality split

French distinguishes between formal "vous" and informal "tu". Default to "vous" with anyone you do not know personally, anyone older, anyone in customer service, in writing, and in any business or professional context. Use "tu" with friends, family, children, and colleagues at workplaces that have made the switch.

Many startups, tech companies, and modern offices in Paris and Lyon use "tu" by default; traditional industries (banking, law, manufacturing, government, much of the South) still default to "vous". Switching from vous to tu is sometimes formally offered ("On peut se tutoyer ?") and almost always one-directional from senior to junior or older to younger.

Meals are sacred

French meals follow an unhurried structure even on weekdays. Lunch (déjeuner) typically runs 12:30–14:00; dinner (dîner) starts 19:30–20:30. Eating at one's desk is uncommon outside startup culture; the lunch break is genuinely a break, often shared with colleagues.

On Sundays and special occasions, the family meal can run 3+ hours through entrée, plat principal, fromage, dessert, café, and digestif. Skipping courses or rushing reads as rude. The "apéro" (pre-dinner drinks with small bites) is its own institution, often inviting friends over for an apéro that lasts 2 hours and replaces dinner entirely.

Conversation, debate, and disagreement

French conversational culture values verbal sparring, intellectual debate, and direct disagreement — none of which signal personal hostility. A French dinner conversation can run hot on politics or philosophy and end in mutual goodwill. Coming from cultures where polite disagreement is softened, this can feel aggressive at first; it is not.

The flip side: small talk is less universal than in the US or UK. Strangers do not chat in elevators, on buses, or in shop queues by default. Initiating small talk with a stranger may get a polite-but-puzzled response. The energy goes into substantive conversation with people you know rather than light interactions with people you do not.

Quality-of-life is a serious priority

The 35-hour working week (legal default since 2000), 5 weeks of paid vacation, paid sick leave, and the right to disconnect (droit à la déconnexion) outside work hours are real and protected. Most French employees take their full vacation; calling colleagues during August is unusual.

Sundays remain protected leisure time — most shops are closed (some exceptions in tourist-zone Paris; many city neighbourhoods have a designated tourist Sunday). The expectation is that Sunday is for family, lunch, walking, and rest. Working professionals who answer emails on Sunday are not viewed as committed; they are viewed as unable to maintain healthy boundaries.

Tipping — modest, optional

• Restaurants — service is included by law (the "service compris" message on the bill). Round up or leave 5% extra in cash for excellent service; never expected.
• Cafés / bars — leave a coin or two, or round up to the nearest euro. Optional.
• Taxis — round up to the next euro or 5–10%, whichever is more.
• Hotels — €1–2 per bag for porters, €1–2 per night for housekeeping if you choose to.
• Hairdressers — €2–5 if you liked the cut; not expected.
• Coffee shops, takeaways, deliveries — never expected; rounding up is appreciated but optional.

Paris and the rest of France

Paris is genuinely different from the rest of France in social rhythm, formality level, and pace. Parisian small talk is sparser, service can feel curter, and the city compresses 12 million daily lives into 105 km². The famously brusque Parisian server is partly real and partly defensive — a typical day includes hundreds of tourists who skip the bonjour and the politesse.

Outside Paris — Lyon, Bordeaux, Marseille, Nantes, Toulouse, Lille, the smaller towns and the countryside — the pace slows and warmth runs higher. Southerners are notably more relaxed and chatty; Marseille has its own social style; the West and the Massif Central retain stronger small-town rhythms. Many newcomers who struggled in Paris thrive after moving to a regional city.

Children and the law

France banned all "violences éducatives ordinaires" (ordinary educational violence — including spanking and slapping) in 2019 (Loi du 10 juillet 2019, often called the "loi anti-fessée"). Hitting a child is illegal regardless of who does it. Schools, daycares, and healthcare workers are required to report any suspicion of child abuse to the regional ASE (Aide Sociale à l'Enfance) services.

In practice, French ASE services are slower-moving than in some northern European countries — investigations focus on persistent or serious patterns rather than single incidents. The intent is supportive: an ASE worker visits, asks questions, and offers parenting support. Persistent or serious cases lead to formal child-protection processes including, in extreme cases, removal.

Holidays and the calendar

France has 11 public holidays (jours fériés) — the biggest being Bastille Day (July 14), Christmas (Dec 25), New Year (Jan 1), Labour Day (May 1, when working is largely banned), Victory in Europe Day (May 8), Ascension and Pentecost (variable spring dates), Assumption (Aug 15), All Saints (Nov 1), and Armistice Day (Nov 11). Most schools and workplaces close, and shops often shut on May 1 specifically.

August is the legendary French vacation month — many businesses close for 2–4 weeks. Plan accordingly: doctor appointments, government services, and even some restaurants in Paris run reduced hours or close entirely in early-to-mid August. Many Parisians leave the city; some neighbourhoods are eerily quiet.

Small rules that catch newcomers off guard

• Greetings at work — saying "bonjour" to each colleague individually upon arrival is normal in many offices. La bise (cheek kisses, 1–4 depending on region) between colleagues was common pre-Covid and is partially returning.
• Sundays are quiet — most shops closed by law (Code du Travail), some exceptions in tourist-designated zones. Sunday markets and bakeries are open.
• Smoking — banned indoors in bars, restaurants, and workplaces; legal outdoors. Café terraces remain heavily smoking — heated patios extend the smoking culture year-round.
• Reservations — Sunday lunch and weekend dinners always need a reservation in popular restaurants. Walk-ins on Friday or Saturday night in tourist cities are often turned away.
• Bills — restaurants almost always require asking ("L'addition, s'il vous plaît"). Servers consider it rude to bring the bill before requested.
• Drinking norms — wine and beer at lunch and dinner are normal. Driving with above 0.05% BAC is illegal (0.02% for new drivers); enforcement is meaningful.